Man do I love my kids. I really truly do. They are the reason I get up out of bed every day, and the reason I battle against perfection. From the day they were born they were independent little sensitive souls who have consumed all of my physical and emotional energy.

One of the great myths about twins is that there’s always one “easy going” twin. Maybe I hit the mother lode when I received two very demanding and high strung kiddos. My little loves will go to fisticuffs over who gets to spend time in my lap. Sometimes I have to just walk away and leave them both to cry. That KILLS me. I never know which one I should comfort first. When I try to comfort both at the same time they won’t allow it. I often think I am the worst mom on the planet because I can’t handle how overwhelming it is to have them both so needy at the same time. They get so unreasonable with the screaming and crying that it escalates into total and complete chaos.

I rarely share this part of my parenting because the standard response is, “I just wouldn’t put up with that.” Well, that implies that my parenting is weak. Let me tell you, no parent could handle the intense demands of two VERY strong willed children and come out a winner (and yes, I have tried behavior charts, reward systems, Early Intervention and even a behavior therapist). I don’t get angry at those statements anymore because I was that person before I became a parent. I was THE PERFECT PARENT before I even had kids.

What I have learned is that kids will push and pull you in directions you never thought possible. I have sat in a corner and cried because my kids’ behaviors have forced me to become a screaming, impatient wreck. I have felt wild and unhinged; a rare experience for me before parenting. I was patient and calm and could keep my cool under some serious pressure. Now I can come undone so quickly.

Why am I sharing this now? Well, I want other parents feeling guilty and overwhelmed to know it’s going to be OK. Our kids over the top behaviors and emotions can leave us feeling defeated and unprepared, and even knock the wind out of us for a moment. But, we just keep getting right back up. We take a breath. We take some time for ourselves. We empty the guilt and refill our compassion. We find the reset button and remind ourselves that tomorrow is another day. Sometimes all it takes is leaving your kiddo in their room to cry it out, while you go to your room and do the same. Or, it takes a phone call to a friend to talk it through. And sometimes tagging out when your spouse returns home, or asking a neighbor to sit with your kids while you take a walk.

No matter what, remember you are doing a great job moms (and dads). You are working hard at loving your kids. Even on those days it feels like love is the hardest thing to do. No one really talks about the difficult side of parenting, or the deep pain you will feel some days. Those moments happen for so many of us, yet so few of us are willing to share it. It doesn’t mean we love our kids less. It means we are human. And by sharing our struggles it assures us we are not alone.

The Whatever Mom is a full-time wife and twin mama living on coffee and wine. She enjoys the pure rush of cleaning the BIG potty between loads of laundry. It is her dream that moms everywhere accept and embrace the Whatever Mom philosophy which can be found here.

Find more from Roxanne at Hudson Valley Parent and at Masshole Mommy


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27 Comments on She’s Come Undone

  1. Thanks for the reminder. My oldest son is a gem, but my second one gives me a run for my money every single day! It’s easy to feel like I am doing a crappy job as a mom, but I am doing my best 🙂

  2. It true, it does get better. And eventually they move out on their own and form their own lives. Some days I miss the Mommy season…

  3. This post could not have come at a better time. One of my twins literally spent most of the morning crying at me. I could find nothing wrong, and nothing would fix it and make her happy. And naturally, that set the other one off. Misery loves company.

  4. I think all parents feel that pang of guilt. As the saying goes, kids don’t come with instructions. You do the best you can, and as long as your kids feel loved, you are doing a great job. I’m sure it can’t be easy with twins.

  5. I love the honesty you poured in this post. You are the treasure for your kids and so are your kids for you. That will never change whatever situation you and your kids have to deal with. Don’t bother with what other people think. Btw, the quote above is so true! We need to start with ourselves before share it with other people. I remember the song Whitney Houston sung Greatest love of all, some of the lyric say, “Learning to love yourself it is the greatest love of all”, I think from there we can share that greatest love to our children, husbands/wives and others.

  6. I personally don’t have children but I can only imagine how tough of a job it is! And I agree, having small support system around you for when things get tough is always a good idea!

  7. Parenting is hard. Plain and simple – it is hard. It is also exhausting – physically and emotionally. I have always called the teen age years the dark years as it can get pretty scary sometimes. Somehow we make it! The kids sure are lucky that they are so dang cute and that we love them unconditionally.

  8. I don’t have kiddies so I can only imagine how tough it must get. I love the quote you included at the top of the post, it holds true for everyone and anyone – “You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.” Words to live by. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  9. I am reading this at a perfect time! I am close to losing it because my daughter thinks it is hilarious to fight naps/bedtime by kicking me in the face, biting and pulling my hair. I keep on telling myself that it is not going to last forever and that she doesn’t do it on purpose. Having children do teach you how much patience you have for sure!

  10. I absolutely love this! I know that I am not perfect, but I also know that I am doing a fine job. However, there will ALWAYS be days of meltdowns and chaos. It is just life with kids! Expecting kids to be able to manage their emotions when many, many adults have their own versions of acting out and tantrums that just look less obvious is nuts!

    • It’s hard to have just twins. I feel like if they had an older sibling, or older cousins to emulate instead of just each other, the crazy roller coaster of emotions might not feel so steep! lol

  11. My kids are now adults (still living with us), and they can STILL get me frustrated beyond belief. And I still have days when I resort to a meltdown. Thankfully the good days FAR exceed the bad … and for the invention of cocktails. 😀

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