Love Me Or Leave Me

Love Me Or Leave Me

I hope you enjoyed  Part I and Part II of my Body Beautiful series. I asked moms everywhere to accept the beautiful bodies they have been given through pregnancy and child birth. During this process friends kept asking me why I wasn’t posing in front of the camera and including my own post partum body. Well, I didn’t want this project to be about my image, I wanted it to be about the journey’s. I thought I’d offer a more intimate look at my post partum body acceptance journey by sharing my story and how I got here.

Nearly five years ago I stood in my bedroom and cried. I was only a few months post partum, but this was the first time I had looked at my body. I was so big during my pregnancy with twins that I couldn’t see the stretch marks forming. Now they were bright red lines stretching out like lines on a map. I was also left with a C-section scar and what most twin moms are lucky to receive, the “twin skin.” That’s a nice roll of skin that will never snap back into place and so it just kind of hangs off of your mid section. I was feeling pretty powerless.

My husband walked in just as I was in the moment of taking it all in. I covered myself up quickly because I didn’t want him, or anyone else to see me like “this.” He asked me what was wrong and I told him, “I am hideous now.” Then he stepped closer and said, “show me.” I wasn’t prepared for what he said next. He looked me in the eye and said, “how could you ever think this isn’t beautiful? This was our babies first home. It kept them safe and healthy.” I was absolutely stunned. So stunned I stopped to really soak in what he said.

Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t just flip a switch and suddenly love my body. But, that moment is the touch stone that keeps me on this path of acceptance. I worked my body hard after having the twins. Despite five months of bed rest and a painful year of physical therapy I made myself lose the baby weight and then some. I felt accomplished. But really what did I accomplish? There wasn’t a trophy or award handed to me. No pat on the back with “atta girl.” What I accomplished was satisfying everyone else’s expectations of what I was supposed to look like after having children. I mean every mom is supposed to make it her mission to lose the baby weight, right? I started to really wonder where that pressure comes from.

People made comments about how I looked good “for having twins.” I wondered what they would say if I only had one baby at a time. Did their comment mean I didn’t look as good as my singleton mommy counter parts? Did they mean I look healthy after coming through medical complications and a major surgery? Did they mean I looked great now because I looked like a giant whale before?

Maybe I don’t have the time in my day to really focus on my flaws like I did before having children. Or, maybe since turning 40 I am just tired of listening to my inner critique. I’ve gained a bit more wisdom about what’s really important in life. I don’t really care that I now weigh more than I did right after having kids. I don’t really care for people’s judgement of my body because they don’t know the story behind my body. They don’t know how fit I used to be, or how months of bed rest reversed all of that hard work. They don’t know what my body has lived through and survived. I don’t really need them to know either.

So go ahead world, judge away. What  you see on the outside isn’t a reflection of the love and care I’ve given to my body to be able to create two healthy and amazing little humans. It isn’t equal to how big my heart is, how generous I am, how much I love to laugh or how much I love my children. I’ve always had a “love me or leave me” attitude. So, if someone isn’t going to love you for the person you are (not the body you are)… just let them leave.

 

The Whatever Mom is a full time wife and twin mama living on coffee and wine. She enjoys the pure rush of cleaning the potty between loads of laundry. It is her dream that moms everywhere accept and embrace the Whatever Mom philosophy which can be found here, Find her two party Body Beautiful project here and here. 

Find more from Roxanne at Hudson Valley Parent and at Masshole Mommy

 

Friday Favorites- Beauty Counter Cleansing Balm!

As promised last week here are my new favorites from Beauty Counter skin care. I know a cleansing balm sounds strange. Rubbing a balm with the same consistency as my lip balm all over my face feels a little odd … at first. After a couple of days using this method I am totally hooked and in LOVE!

Nourishing cleansing balm

I received a small sample of the CounterTime Nourishing Cleansing Balm in my face kit. After applying to my face I used a warm wash cloth to remove the balm. I don’t know why this just feels so relaxing and simply luxurious. It’s like a hot towel service for your face.

Beauty counter nourishing balm

After using the balm, I apply the Lustro Face Oil 2. This part made me incredibly nervous! We have all learned that oil is what causes break outs. But, with the mix of oils in this little bottle there is no worry about break outs. My skin felt so soft and completely hydrated after using. I was completely amazed!

Lustro Face Oil 2

Again these products are all toxin free and score low on the Environmental Watch Group database. These products aren’t cheap because Beauty Counter uses quality ingredients. Chemical additives can be manufactured cheaply- so cheap products can give cheap results and have long term harsher effects. A little bit of these products goes a long way!

Take a look at the Beauty Counter website to learn more about the company and read the list of ingredients in every single product they offer.

 

Tune in next week for more Friday Favorites!

 

The Whatever Mom is a full time wife and twin mama living on coffee and wine. She enjoys the pure rush of cleaning the BIG potty between loads of laundry and writing her blog. It is her dream that moms everywhere accept and embrace the Whatever Mom philosophy which can be found here.

Announcing: Friday Favorites!

A few of my favorite things!

 

Happy Friday Everyone!

I’ve discovered some new and exciting products I want to share with you, as well as some fun websites and videos. Tune in every Friday for some fun stuff! Starting right now!

This week I discovered Beauty Counter. Now, I am a Mary Kay girl at heart but they have changed a few formulas for one of my favorite products. So, I’m on a search to find something new to love. Enter my Beauty Counter Rep, Lynn. I told her what I am looking for and she sent me an entire face kit to try out. How awesome is that?! Getting to try in home before you buy is such a fantastic way to shop!

Beauty counter face kit

Why Beauty Counter? Beauty Counter products are toxin free, safe for cancer patients and their products score low on the Environmental Work Group’s Skin Deep Cosmetics Database. A low score means there is a low hazard to using a product.

I tested Dew Skin Tinted Moisturizer with an SPF 20. One of the best weapons we have against fine lines and wrinkles is using an SPF. Sun damage is the number one reason we get wrinkles. This tinted moisturizer is light weight, non-greasy and provides a slightly dewy look. I was most impressed that the light color fit my skin tone immediately. You have no idea how much this pale girl has struggled to find the right shades of foundation/cover up.

dew skin

I have worn this tinted moisturizer every day for a week and I love it’s flawless coverage and how it evens out my skin tone! It has a very light scent and I love that I am not covering my skin with chemicals that are just not necessary to be beautiful!

 

Take a look at the Beauty Counter website to learn more about the company and read the list of ingredients in every single product they offer.

 

Tune in next week for more Beauty Counter Favorites!

 

The Whatever Mom is a full time wife and twin mama living on coffee and wine. She enjoys the pure rush of cleaning the BIG potty between loads of laundry and writing her blog. It is her dream that moms everywhere accept and embrace the Whatever Mom philosophy which can be found here.

Find more from Roxanne at Hudson Valley Parent and at Masshole Mommy

 

 

No financial compensation was given for this review. All opinions and excitement expressed for this product are provided by The Whatever Mom.

 

 

Body Beautiful Part II

Part II

Society and the media often view our postpartum bodies as weak and flabby. It is not only expected that we WILL “get our bodies back” but it is also expected that we want to get our pre-baby bodies back right NOW.  Lifestyle magazines devote entire editions to watching and tracking new celebrity moms for weight loss and speculate how quickly they will return to their pre-baby body. If any celebrity mom should take a little too long to get back into screen-worthy shape after childbirth it becomes headline news. I want you to see your body as more valuable than a commodity and front-page fodder.

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It doesn’t matter if you’re 200 pounds or 130 pounds–bodies are beautiful, strong and multifaceted. I’ve always had body issues, but been very confident on the outside. After children, I felt like I had completely let myself go. It’s very hard to make yourself a priority when you have kids. With my daughter I was induced on my due date and labored for 47 hours and 41 minutes before she finally arrived. With my son I labored for 60 hours. I kept begging the midwife to let me go a little longer… a little longer… a little longer. She let me go another 10 hours and at 6 am on his birthday, she said I had to go for the C-section. Best thing we ever did. I was very impressed with my body! However, while not making it a priority, I let it go. Now, it’s my turn for rebirth! –Amy, mother to two ages 6 and 4.

Every time you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and turn the other way or you hide out from the camera, I want you to remember your body is a powerhouse. Embrace it. Don’t ignore the newness of it–how it looks and feels. This is the skin you are in now. You aren’t who you were last week. Let the camera capture where your child came from. Show how much you loved them with your whole body, not just your heart.

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I didn’t gain too much weight while pregnant. I was active the whole time doing yoga and walking and went back to my pre weight almost right away. I’m 41 and in a great place in my life where I don’t care much what other people think. I have one boy, born three days early. It was a fast laborhe was in a hurry and still is. He was walking at 10 months. Some heart distress at birth and there was talk of an emergency C-section but in the end he came out on the third set of pushes with suction. I love my body after childbirth. It was the first home of this incredible little personit made him and fed him. I have new respect for it and will never abuse it again, only nurture it. Linda, mother of one age 1 year.

Use kind words to describe your body. Not just in front of your kids, but to yourself. In that early morning hour before you step into the shower and you look down, please think loving thoughts about what you see. Remember to be grateful to those powerful legs that helped you carry the extra weight as your body grew. Give thanks for the way your hips shifted to make more room. Nothing and everything may look the same. Your child is a part of the beautiful body that created it. Would you ever look at your child and say or think they are less than gorgeous? Please don’t think that about yourself.

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Being photographed “naturally” scares me.  My inner critic feels ashamed that I haven’t kept up the shape I had two to three years ago. So my thoughts of myself get pretty wicked: “stop eating so much”; “your arms look awful in those pictures”; “need liposuction on those thighs of yours”; “if only you didn’t like food so much”.  
I have boy/girl twins. They are our miracle IVF babies. My husband and I went through a lot and we were finally blessed with my son and daughter. After hating my body and being so heartbroken and devastated at not getting pregnant, I totally fell in love with my pregnancy. I was so healthy and happy while pregnant. I know it’s vital that I show inward and outward love for my body because I have a daughter. I don’t want her to see or hear me getting down on myself. I want her to always feel beautiful and confident and I know that starts at home. –Melissa, mother to twins age 3. 

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I want to show my children and myself how amazing the female body is–also to view my body in a different way. [I felt] pressure to get back into shape quickly. Though it took nine months to gain weight, I should be more gentle with myself. [It’s] pretty amazing how your body can swell, organs move, ligaments become stretched and loosen all to accommodate a life and create a placenta and cord to feed it.  Only to return to a somewhat normal version again after birth–and multiple times! Also, to provide nourishment, protection and antibodies for months afterward is amazing. My body is pretty strong, capable and amazing. -A.S., mother of two boys ages 3 and 8 months.

If we can see the power within ourselves, perhaps it will start a movement. Maybe together we can shift the perception of the mom bod from being a flabby, worn-out body to an intrinsically competent being. If we can celebrate in awe the amazing feat of childbirth and what our bodies can do then perhaps our children will look at their own bodies with awe and wonderment. And thus starts the movement.

Love,

The Whatever Mom

Body Beautiful Part I

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia and The Novice Mommy.

All images belong to Leyla Cadabal Photography. Any use of these photos without express written permission from the original photographer is prohibited. 

Body Beautiful – Part I

Dear Moms,

In my last call to arms I asked you to take up charge in my Whatever Army and fight against expectations for perfection. I asked that you spend more time accepting each other rather than judging each other. Now, I am asking you to join me on another quest. This one won’t be so easy and it will require you to dig deep and sift through years of programming. Moms, I want you to accept yourselves. I don’t mean accept who you are. I want you to accept your “mom bod” just the way it is with scars and flaws and every inch of stretched out skin.

Mom Body Beautiful

I feel like the pressure society puts on women to lose the baby weight is ridiculous.  I had an emergency C-section after being induced with my first. I was considered high risk due to high blood pressure. We later found out the cord was around my daughter’s neck a few times. I chose a C-section for my second daughter and glad I did. When they delivered her the cord was also around her neck. I honestly go between being disgusted with my size, and feeling beautiful knowing my body was able to grow and nourish two perfect beautiful girls. –Carrie mother of two daughters ages 3.5 and 2

The term mom bod can have a negative connotation. It segregates us as something less than vs. more than. Bringing a child into this world requires we place ourselves closer to death. If only stretch marks and extra weight were the only tribulations we faced during pregnancy and labor. So many of us have experienced medical complications and traumatic births and survived. The truth is moms our bodies have power and we need to celebrate that!

Mom Body Beautiful

Suddenly, you have a body that seems foreign to you. You don’t know how to dress it. You may find that the pounds don’t come off as easily; you may have the “mom pouch” and extra stretch marks. We might not see this reflected in the media, but our bodies have done something amazing–maybe more than once. While it’s hard to embrace something that society does not deem to be perfect, in reality it IS perfect because it’s ours. The people who love us will love us for who we are not for what size the tag on our clothing says or how many stretchmarks we have. –Gizella, mother of son age 6 and daughter age 4.

Every mother’s body has a story hidden just beneath the surface of our skin. Our skin becomes the book jacket to our stories. The stretchmarks, red lines and scars on our bodies read like paragraphs of secret language that only other mothers can understand. Every pound we gain during pregnancy tells the tale of how far our bodies will go to accommodate our baby’s safety. Every stretch of skin chronicles how week after week or bodies grow to build a safe home for our babies. And, (for some) sagging breasts illustrate our bodies ability to provide nourishment to our children.

Mom Body Beautiful

As soon as I had my daughter 6 years ago, I thought about how I could get rid of the 50 pounds I put on. I want to have more children, but a cancer diagnosis soon after birth caused me to give up on that dream. There are days that I struggle and days that I’m OK. I’m proud of my body. It carried a kind, sweet soul in it for 10 months and I’m happy to see the changes in it. I struggled a lot more with the neck scar I have left from my cancer battle. It changes you. But, it strengthens you. Now, I wouldn’t give it up. –Liz, one daughter age 6.

(Liz was diagnosed with thyroid cancer only 4 months after giving birth. She cites it as the most common cancer diagnosed during pregnancy (second to breast cancer). Her doctors believe the hormones released during pregnancy caused the cancer to grow more rapidly.)

The reality is we willingly put our own lives in jeopardy so we can bring life into this world. Many of us do this more than once. By nature we have everything we need to create and sustain life inside our bodies. Yet somehow, leftover weight and sagging skin are perceived as horrible side effects that we must rid ourselves of. Instead I ask you to see the “side effects” of your pregnancy as beauty marks and medals of Honor. You would not have those marks without enduring pregnancy or child birth. Instead of viewing them as nagging reminders of the body you can no longer have, I hope you see them as souvenirs of the start of your amazing parenting journey.

Be happy in the skin your in NOW.

Now that I’m a mom, I tend to feel invisible to the world. There’s a freedom there – the freedom to stop trying to look good, the freedom to wear yoga pants and a pony tail every day. I wouldn’t say I’m more secure in my body, I’ve been insecure about my body since I knew what the word meant. I’ve spent the last 40 years being annoyed with, ashamed of, critical of and generally hard on my body. I did suffer post-partum depression and anxiety with both of my babies. I was so hard on myself during that time and felt like a failure in so many ways because I was an imperfect mom. I feel like celebrating woman’s bodies in this way helps us all be easier on ourselves, even if just for a moment. –Katy mother of two ages 8 and 4. 

Please stay tuned for Part II of Body Beautiful.

All images belong to Leyla Cadabal Photography http://leylacadabalphotography.com/. Any use of these photos without express written permission from the original photographer is prohibited. 

The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia and The Novice Mommy.

The Ebbs and Flows of Parenting- I’m Still Here!

Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming.

Hello everyone!

Just a quick note to say THANK YOU to everyone who commented and questioned, “where are your posts!?” You may have noticed an absence in my blog posts for the last month and I apologize. But, it does feel good to know that I am missed. Things have been a little crazy getting us into the swing of things at a new school, with a new routine and trying out new activities, and simply just finding our rhythm.

As many of you know already there are ebbs and flows to parenting. Sometimes we find ourselves riding the wave of having everything all put together and giving ourselves a pat on the back. Then there are times we get knocked over by that wave and feel like we are barely keeping our heads above water. And, that is OK! It is OK to not have it together sometimes!! There may be entire weeks (or months) where we see other parents all put together and we’re thinking, “man I just can’t compare.” Guess what?! It’s not our job to keep up with them! It’s our job to keep up with our kids. That is a completely full time job all by itself!

If you are one of the parents out there who, like me, gets lost in your parenting flow just know you are still doing great! If at the end of the day your children go to bed secure in the knowledge that you love them and they are happy and healthy, then dear parents, you have done your job! That in my book is a parenting win every single day you can make that happen! It doesn’t matter how perfect their birthday party is, or how clean your house is or that you have every piece of school paperwork signed and turned in ahead of schedule. What your kids will remember is how loved they felt as a child.

If you are one of the put together parents please share this message with someone who needs it. And, feel free to lend a helping hand, or offer a word of encouragement to a mom like me who is waiting to catch that next wave!!

 

I have a really great project coming up that I cannot wait to share with you! Be sure you are subscribing to my blog and receiving emails from me, or following me on Facebook, Twitter or Bloglovin.

 

The Whatever Mom is a full time wife and twin mama living on coffee and wine. She enjoys the pure rush of cleaning the potty between loads of laundry. It is her dream that moms everywhere accept and embrace the Whatever Mom philosophy which can be found here.

Find more from Roxanne at Hudson Valley Parent and at Masshole Mommy

 

Happy I Love You Day!

Happy I Love You Day!

My daughter keeps asking me for breakfast in bed. I have no idea where this idea of hers comes from since none of us eat breakfast in bed. I can only think about the mess it will make, and wonder what can a kid even eat in bed that isn’t going to be sticky or drippy?

Just as I am mulling over the messy possibilities, I read the email from my dear friend telling me she has Stage IV breast cancer. Out of the blue. Just like that. No warning. My heart stops mid read and I fall to my couch like someone just punched me in the gut. My friend is so full of energy and enthusiasm. She is the definition of living life unconditionally. I have learned a lot of lessons from her about how to enjoy life- how to truly savor a moment. That’s when I realize my kids deserve breakfast in bed. I don’t want there to be a day we don’t celebrate the moment, or the pure luxury of today. I just want to start our day off with love, and excitement for the possibilities of where the day might lead us.

I immediately run to the store to buy their favorite chocolate chip muffins and a carnation flower in their favorite color. As I serve each of them their breakfast (and special flower) in bed I am so swept up in the thought of their excitement, I hear myself sing-song saying, “Happy I Love You Day!” Their eyes open wide and their smiles even wider. It is such a special moment to get caught up in their joy. The crumbs did not matter. Just their chocolaty grins and sheer delight of eating breakfast in bed.

Their jubilation prompts us to ignore our chores and skip making the beds. Today is our adventure! The kids decide where we go. First, a family fun day carnival. They play every game at least 20 times, get their faces painted and we take a family photo at the photo booth. We win a gift certificate to a local pizzeria and decide that is our next stop! It is heart warming to hear my kids rehash their favorite parts of their adventure so far. They decide our next stop is the animal adoption clinic they spot on our way home. It is amazing to see my girls love of the moment bubble over and spill into each next adventure.

We end our day snuggling in mommy and daddy’s bed watching a movie. The happy side effect is the kids aren’t whining as much, they aren’t arguing and they even decide to do everything together. That means camping out in their room and sleeping side by side. (They haven’t slept so close since they were babies). Watching them live so fully in the moment makes my heart skip a beat. I’ll always remember this day, and this special lesson from my beautiful friend! #HeadonHeartStrong

 

Have you ever shared a spontaneous day with your family or loved ones? Let’s hear what you did for fun!

 

 

The Whatever Mom is a full time wife and twin mama living on coffee and wine. She enjoys the pure rush of cleaning the potty between loads of laundry. It is her dream that moms everywhere accept and embrace the Whatever Mom philosophy which can be found here.

Find more from Roxanne at Hudson Valley Parent and at Masshole Mommy

 

That’s Where You’ll Find Me!

Where You'llFind Me

Hey All! Do you know you can now follow The Whatever Mom on BlogLovin’ ?! It’s true! If you are not using BlogLovin you will be soon! It’s a great way to keep all your favorite blogs organized in one place! (Think Pinterest for all your favorite blog posts!). Go check it out!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

You can also follow The Whatever Mom on Twitter and Facebook!

Yes! The Whatever Mom is on Pinterest too!

And, of course you can always subscribe to the blog via email to be sure you get ALL the freshest and most current blog posts first! Please like, love and share The Whatever Mom with your friends and family (even your frienemies!).

 

If you can’t find me in any of the places listed above it means I am hiding from my kids and enjoying a cup of icy cold coffee. You know, my happy place. *wink*

 

The Whatever Mom is a full time wife and twin mama living on coffee and wine. She enjoys the pure rush of cleaning the potty between loads of laundry. It is her dream that moms everywhere accept and embrace the Whatever Mom philosophy which can be found here.

Find more from Roxanne at Hudson Valley Parent and at Masshole Mommy

Give Kids The World 6 Second Ice Cream Challenge

By now I hope you have all watched the video of Kevin Bacon accepting Ethan’s 6 second ice cream challenge. If you haven’t here it is below!

 

Have you ever heard of a place called Give Kids The World? If your kid has never had a life threatening illness, than most likely you have not. Give Kids The World was created in memory of a little girl named Amy who lost her battle to Leukemia before she could ever see her wish come true. All she wanted was to experience a magical visit to a theme park. Today, through the generosity of corporate donations and an amazing ALL VOLUNTEER staff, thousands of kids get to see their wishes come true each year. Children who have a life threatening illness and their families are treated like royalty at this resort at no cost to them.

gktw sign

My niece Ashley was one of those wish kids. Ashley was diagnosed with Leukemia when she was just three years old. Today, we are lucky she is a survivor getting ready for her senior year of high school. Ashley spent nearly 5 months living in a hospital and battled Leukemia for two years. After all her friends had gone off to preschool, she was still home learning how to walk again and catching up on her ABC’s. There are many kids who have endured much worse, or continue to fight against much worse. But, when they get to stay at Give Kids The World, they get to know the joy of being a kid.

Wish Stars hanging inside the Castle of Miracles. My nieces star still hangs inside.
Wish Stars hanging inside the Castle of Miracles. My nieces star still hangs inside.

I had the privilege of visiting this not for profit resort when my niece made her wish to see Disney. During her stay, Ashley and her family were given a luxurious and spacious villa to stay in. Each morning gifts were delivered to Ashley and her little brother. After leaving their jobs, but still having to pay for medical and travel expenses for two years, my brother and his wife did not have to worry about the cost of food, park ticket prices, souvenirs, or where to find fun activities. I tear up every time I remember what a relief it was for all of us to see Ashley running and playing like a typical kid. She definitely got to make up for the lost time in her early childhood.

An aerial view of the resort.
An aerial view of the resort.

I want to share this with you on my blog because I think it helps to know how truly special this charity is. I want everyone to see where their six dollar donation goes. For every dollar taken in, Give Kids The World spends 91.7 cents on providing a cost free vacation for thousands of children with a life threatening illness. A vacation they may never have known possible. The staff is all volunteer and they log in over 1,400 shifts per week. They bend over backwards to give every kid and their family … well, the world.

Please watch Kevin Bacon’s video and take the ice cream challenge and upload your own video! Six dollars does not seem like a lot when you know how much happiness those dollars bring a kid making up for lost time.

Ethan and Kevin Bacon 6 second ice cream challenge.
Ethan and Kevin Bacon 6 second ice cream challenge.

Here is your challenge step by step:

Step 1: Challenge a friend or family member to the #GKTWChallenge.

Step 2: Stuff your face with ice cream for 6 seconds. Get it all on video.

Step 3: Whoever eats the most, wins. Loser donates $6 to Give Kids The World Village. (Though it’d be pretty cool if the winner donated too.)

Step 4: Share your video using the hashtag #GKTWChallenge. Challenge friends and family members to do steps 1-4.

Keep Your Kids Safe Around Water

Be Your Own Life Guard

 

At 12:45 p.m. on Saturday July 18th I nearly lost my mind, but thankfully I did not loose my cool. I was at a birthday party with my girls at a local beach. It was a beautiful day and everyone was having a great time. Typically, I do not consider myself a helicopter parent. I feel like I allow a reasonable amount of space between me and my children for them to feel safe, confident and independent. However, that amount of space significantly decreases when water is involved. Anyone can drown in less than 2 inches of water if not carefully supervised, or respectful of water safety rules.

I am not a super strong swimmer, and I am outnumbered 2 to 1 when it’s just the girls and me at the beach. I am hyper vigilant, especially when they go in opposite directions. While we were at the beach both of my daughters were wearing life vests and only approximately 15 feet away from me. Suddenly, a rough set of waves came to shore and I saw my daughter topple over. She lost her footing and I could see very clearly she began to struggle to catch herself. She started moving her arms like she was trying to swim, but I know she does not know how to swim yet. I could tell by the look on her face she was in trouble. I immediately ran into the water and began shouting, “you’re OK! Mommy is coming!!”

I reached her in a matter of seconds. I scooped her up into my arms and sat her on my hip and began to sooth her. I was impressed at how little she panicked and she didn’t even cry. Another mom came over to chat and I told her what happened. All of this took approximately 30 seconds of time. The life guard on duty, a young teenage girl, never left her guard tower. She didn’t even come down the ladder to ask me if my daughter was OK, she leaned forward in her chair and casually called over, “Is she OK?” I was so angry I could see red. How could this life guard not identify a dangerous situation that happened literally several feet in front of her guard tower? She gets paid to keep an eye out for signs of struggle in the water. Doesn’t she know that drowning is silent?

UlsterLandingPark

I was incredibly agitated by the fact she didn’t rush down as soon as she noticed what had happened. It is her job to assess if someone is in danger. Even while I was soothing my child on my hip it was her job to confirm we were safe. That means leaving her chair to come down and speak with me directly. I was so angry I couldn’t even talk to this girl. I was terrified of how I was going to verbally rip her to pieces. Man, that mama bear instinct is STRONG!

I’ve had many friends tell me not to worry while at the beach, that’s what the life guard is there for. I have witnessed many parents lying out on the sand (sometimes napping) while their older children are in the water alone. I know I am the first one to say hey, you do whatever it takes to get through your day with kids, but water safety is one of the things where I draw the line on saying Whatever too.

Thankfully, I was very vigilant. I know that accidents happen so quickly in water. So, parents, no matter how old your children are, do not take your eyes off of them for a second. Do not leave their young lives up to teenagers who are paying way less attention. I heard from friends at the party afterward that the young guard was texting on her cell phone. Perhaps that is why she completely missed someone struggling in the water only 15 feet from her station. If you are the parent of a teenager, or parent of a young life guard, please share this story with them. Let them know their job is important as people’s lives are in their hands. It may be my child’s precious life in their hands. No text message is worth the loss of anyone’s life.

I may not have been a helicopter parent before, but I am now! Especially while at the beach!

Click here for safety tips and quick lessons from Lifeguard 101. There are options for water safety inside the home and outside of the home.