There are days I really fall short of my to-do list. I start out the day with all good intentions but by the end of the day I am still staring down the same basket of unfolded laundry that was there last night. How the heck did my foremothers find the time to clean the house and churn the butter while raising small humans? They didn’t have the distraction of social media!
As a write from home mom I spend a lot of time on the computer, and I surf the net for research. I try to limit my screen time in front of the kids to set a good example. But I have developed a really bad habit of sitting down at my computer and hitting up social media first thing, just to “check in.” An hour will pass before I even realize and I have accomplished nothing on my lengthy list, (unless you count schooling other moms on how to not judge other moms as an accomplishment).
There is a lot of discussion surrounding the effects of social media on our kids, but not much on how it affects our parenting. The average American spends nearly 10 hours per day on screen time. That includes social media and using digital devices. It’s also a lot of time spent being distracted from our responsibilities, and time not finishing things. I always say how much I could get done if I had 10 extra hours in the day. Well, I’ve put my password where my mouth is. I’ve started logging off of social media and only popping in when necessary (for official blogging business of course).
I’ve noticed I make my kids wait less so I can finish typing a comment. I also find myself responding more patiently because I’m not being interrupted from my “conversation.” I haven’t burned dinner in over a week because I am more focused on what I am doing. I am in a much better mood when I’m not confronted by other people’s negative behaviors. I mean really, adulating shouldn’t involve adults yelling at other adults on how to behave in a virtual world that can be obliterated with the touch of a button.
Not only do I have more time and patience in my day, but I’ve learned several things this past week:
- Not everything needs a comment. Sometimes people post things to vent a frustration. They aren’t looking for answers, or resources, or any opinions. Maybe they just want to feel heard because they aren’t feeling heard in their real life. Let them have it and scroll on.
- Don’t engage. Social media can be a great place to share information. In fact it was the first place I asked for help when I was learning to mother two new babies at once. However, typing a long lecture or tossing out a meme educating another adult on how to behave, or how they should be thinking isn’t going to help change the world. Before you know it you’ve wasted 30 minutes of your day and now you’re feeling grumpy. Also, there is no holy grail of memes that is going to enlighten thousands of readers to be better people. Just keep scrolling.
- Kids are always watching. Our kids can see what kind of memes we share and the language we use, and how we interact with other adults. If we are always treating people with angst, labeling them, or engaging in virtual shoving matches our kids see that too. This forms the way our kids interact with the real world around them. Maybe your kid isn’t on social media just yet, but they will be one day. And everything lives forever on the Internet.
- You can’t change people. People use social media for different reasons and they share things they think are funny. Micromanaging people with vague posts or passive aggressive blanket statements like, “if you think this is funny then get off my page” isn’t being very social. My rule of thumb is, “if this were presented to me in the real world how would I respond?” Would I kick this person out of my life for telling a tasteless joke, or just walk away? (In the virtual world walk away = just keep scrolling).
- You’re not a cop so stop policing people’s grammar. Here’s the deal, people post things in haste and they don’t take the time to edit because they’ve already moved on to watching videos of baby goats. Spell check is notorious for messing up my messages and selecting words that I am not even looking for. I know I can’t be the only one this happens to. No one is applying for a job, or submitting an essay for a Nobel Prize with their updates. If it bothers you that much perhaps it’s just a “you thing” and not a world problem? Are we gonna achieve world peace through one properly contracted word at a time? Probably not.
Social media is incredible. The technology allows us to stay in touch with people all around the world, yet has the power to distance us from the people right in the same room. By managing my time on social media I’ve been able to be more productive in managing my household and patient with my kids. I’m also in a better mood because I’m not bombarded by people’s powerful opinions. For example, today I felt happy while folding an entire basket of laundry as soon as the dryer buzzer went off. And now I have more time for baby goat videos. It’s a double win!
The Whatever Mom is a twin mom learning to let go of perfection. She shares her real life struggles with parenting through her blog and contributes her time and talents as a writer to Hudson Valley Parent and Masshole Mommy. When she isn’t writing you can find her chugging coffee, folding laundry and not judging other parents. Don’t forget to subscribe via email so you never miss a blog post again! You can also find her work featured on Mamapedia
It’s so healthy to take a social media detox sometimes. All the different social outlets can be to much to keep up with!
I’m a child of the 80s where our phones were for talking and our CD walkmans were for music. I agree keeping up with so many different platforms can be overwhelming!
Social media can be a double edged sword for sure. It is amazing and you can share photos with friends and family, but it can start arguments as well. I always avoid commenting on a lot of things lately.
Oh boy do I avoid commenting and just keep scrolling lately! 😉
Social media fasting every month is always on my to do list. It feels so great! And yes, I love this blog post!
Awe thanks! Maybe because I am a blogger and rely on social media so much I can burn out on it a bit quicker. But I agree a fast every month is a great idea!
I could have written this myself. Social media will suck you in! Then before you know it, you’ve wasted two hours, and haven’t gotten a lick of work done. I am trying to hit social media as soon as I get up, and then stay away until I’ve done my work for the day. Facebook threads are the worse though. It’s like everything is right there!! I’ve also found myself telling my daughter, who is 12, to get off her phone, because she needs to do something else…she turns it back on me…Setting an example is hard. I am trying though.
Kids will ALWAYS remind us when we mess up. 😉
All great tips!! It can be a big distraction and it’s important to take breaks and not get caught up in drama we may see.
Who knew being social would bring so much drama? LOL
Backing away from social media has made a huge difference in my life and I don’t have kids! I don’t check on my computer, except for facebook which is allowed once a day. Otherwise I use my phone and that’s allowed once an hour or so, usually less. Since scheduling it, I find I want to be on it even less.
Before I had kids I only checked once a week, maybe longer. As a parent it’s how I communicate with other parents (because that’s just where they all are). I work from home so I don’t have co-workers, so checking in on FB for convo does make the day seem more social.
I agree that I feel like I am interrupted when my kids talk to me and I am on social media. Less social media is a good thing and you are totally right that not everything needs a comment or response.
I’ve learned that lesson the hard way. I sometimes offer unsolicited advice without actually reading what the poster needs.
This is why I deactivate my account from time to time. To stay away from facebook and all the distraction that comes with it. I think these are really important points that you shared.
Thanks for reading! And great idea to take a step back now and then!
I was at a movie screening yesterday. And I was amazed because the people on both sides of where I was sitting checked social media at some point during the movie. It can really be an addiction. And so it is especially important to be mindful when little kids are watching
It is amazing to me that we can’t focus solely on what we are doing in the moment and feel that draw to check social media in the middle of something else!
Social media has gotten a little crazy lately. I try to only just scroll past ppls crazy comments.
Social media has totally taken a different form in the last few years. I think the smart phones on us all the time also hinder us from enjoying the moment.
Yes! I had a flip phone until my kids were 5. I didn’t want instant access all the time! I definitely catch myself catching in too much!
Most weekends I try to stay off social. Right now I’m catching up on some stuff but other than this I plan to unplug for the rest of the day!
Good for you! Being mindful is the first step to letting go of the virtual chaos!
How true! These are some of the reasons why I don’t really use social media outside of business purposes.
Trying to limit it for personal use too.
Interesting…I was just telling a friend this week that social media has 100% taken away my passion for blogging. The time it takes to create content and then the requirement of pushing out through social media is so timing consuming. There are so many days I’d love to delete Facebook all together!
And you’re right about the grammar – why people feel the need to waste time correcting this is ridiculous!
I agree if it weren’t for blogging I probably wouldn’t be on social media as often.
I try to limit my use of social media as well. It can get overwhelming, even for keeping up with the blog. Adults, just like kids, need to police ourselves over getting to wrapped up in social media.
It’s so easy to do as a work from home parent! When I was working in an office (which had restrictions on computer use) I checked it way less often.
This is definitely a great article! Love all of the tips you shared. Thanks for sharing girl! 🙂
Thanks for reading! 😉
These are excellent tips! It’s so easy to accidentally end up stuck in a routine where we are on our phones all day long!
Oh my yes! I developed a bad habit of getting on my phone first thing in the morning because it was quiet in my house. I’ll just check my email and reply as necessary I said. Where did I end up? Social Media!!