Guest Post- Defeated Mom Manifesto


Amber by lineAmber Christensen is a mom to four boys, a blogger and author of  Memoirs of Mayhem: The Good, The Bad, and The Hilarious. She is learning to find the humor in her parenting which she shares on her blog Watch This Mom. You can also find her on InstagramFacebook and Twitter!

The Problem

You know what MY problem is? (Well, one of them.) I think everything is my fault.

The kids don’t have clean clothes for school? My fault.

The kids are whining? My fault.

The kids turned the house into a disaster zone in the five minutes I left them quietly watching a movie to make a phone call? My fault.

It’s easy to feel defeated when I blame everything that happens on myself. I’ve taught my kids to do laundry. Even the two-year-old knows how to throw clothes into the washer. If they have to wear dirty clothes to school, the least I can do is let them share the blame.

You know what OUR problem is, fellow parents?

We like to pretend we have no faults. That’s why we couldn’t possibly let one of our children go to school in a shirt they wiped their face on. Other people would know we didn’t write, “Wash your disgusting shirt,” on our Pinterest-inspired, save-the-world job chart. They’d know we’re terrible parents for not teaching our kids responsibility and letting them out in public with Cheeto powder on their clothes. (You feed your kids Cheetos? What is wrong with you?!)

My Three-Part Solution

1. Make Connections by Admitting the Realities of Life

People make connections when one of them is brave enough to tell the truth and the other says, “Me too.” I’m not talking about becoming a whiner. But if someone asks how you are, it’s okay to say, “I seriously need to get out of my house. Without my kids. Like, yesterday.”

When they respond with, “Me too!” BAM! Girls Night Out!

You have a baby with eczema who scratches the heck out of his cheeks and don’t want to put steroid cream on his face so you’ve spent a lot of money looking for something that else that works? ME TOO! At least, I did. Then a mom at the doctor’s office gave me some suggestions and we got it figured out. Let’s help each other out!

2. Find Humor

I’ve learned to find humor in parenting. I even wrote a book about it. Because reality is quite funny. Watching a two-year-old get stuck trying to take his shirt off then turn in circles until he’s both stuck and dizzy is hilarious. When I laugh instead of cry (or yell), we’re all happier people.

3. Learn From Faithful Women Who Actually Had Hard Lives

The women in the scriptures have much to teach us. First and foremost, that life is hard no matter who you are. Reading about Mary, who gave birth to the Son of God under the least ideal of circumstances and had to hide him in Egypt to keep alive, really puts my life into perspective.

Hard? Hardly.

These are faithful, courageous, stalwart women who relied on faith and pushed forward despite their trials. I want to be like them.

Are You With Me?

Are you ready to stop blaming yourself for everything, admit reality, and find humor in everyday life?

Me too!

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26 Comments on Guest Post – A Defeated Mom’s Manifesto

  1. I’ve stopped blaming myself for anything. If something goes wrong, it’s the kids fault or whoever messed it up. I don’t baby my kids and my kids definitely know that mommy isn’t playing.

  2. Oh yes, guilt and blaming are a big thing in my life! Trying to realize that I am doing the best I can is a process that I have been working on for a while 🙂

  3. I try to be pretty honest about how hard it is being a mom. It seems it gives other moms the freedom to themselves. I had surrounded myself with some really great moms who build me up and encourage me!

  4. I have my first one on the way, but I can relate to placing blame on myself where it doesn’t necessarily belong. But sometimes, stuff just happens.

  5. I am pretty on top of things; I only have one kid so I never really feel overwhelmed. But there are moments that I just have to laugh at. It’s amazing when you meet another mom who has done or gone through the same thing.

  6. Oh how I love this post! I am the mom who takes all the blame. My husband even says it is like I look at our house like a business and as the “CEO” I should take blame for everything that happens with my business, but that is not how it works at all. Thank you for sharing this post! It is wonderful!

  7. It really is easier to connect with other people when we allow our selves to be vulnerable. I love reading honest parenting blogs for this reason. It makes me feel like less of a failure when I see that other parents go through some of the same things I do as a parent.

  8. I just had a circumstance this weekend where I believed my daughter’s knee pain was my fault. Thank you for this…knee pain is a reality of life that I have to remove myself from the fault of!

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